Recent Posts
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Noah’s Shark (2021. Dir. Mark Polonia)
In this episode, Mark and Helen are let loose as we find a film SO BAD that Chris taps out.
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Stormswept (1995. Dir. David I. Frazer)
To honour episode this being episode 69 (dudes), our intrepid trio try to break the recent run of abysmal films and tackle “erotic horror” Stormswept – from the director of […]
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Strippers vs. Werewolves (2012. Dir. Jonathan Glendening)
In this episode, our heroes check out a group of strippers who don’t strip, not fighting a gang of werewolves who don’t change into werewolves. Not exactly a Ronseal film, […]
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Dolittle (2020. Dir. Stephen Gaghan)
In this episode, our intrepid heroes take a dramatic detour from the schedule to indulge in some Marvel-bashing, RDJ’s take on our local history, and faulty narratives as Mark picks […]
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Ship of the Damned (2024. Dir. Steve Lawson)
In this episode, Chris took a nap and Mark fixed a broken office chair – both of which were preferable to watching Helen’s pick. And yes, we are planning an […]
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Codename: Dynastud (2018. DIr. Richard Griffin)
In this episode, Chris and Helen embark on a mission to save the world, one homosexual at a time.
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They Saved Hitler’s Brain (1968. Dir. David Bradley)
In this episode, Mark attempts to lower the bar with the red-headed stepchild of “The Madmen of Mandoras” and “The X Files”. And yes, it’s as bad as it sounds… […]
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Poltergay (2006. Dir. Eric Lavaine)
In this episode, Mark takes the night off as Chris and Helen bust out their best dance moves to the unmistakable sounds of Poltergay… Also, a rare apology… Up next, […]
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Bunny the Killer Thing (2015. Dir. Joonas Makkonen)
In this episode, our heroes face defeat because none of them took Finnish at school, Chris tries to find meaning in 50 percent of a film, and we pay tribute […]
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Death Race 2 (2010. Dir. Roel Reine)
In this episode, our intrepid trio travel back to Terminal Island for the sequel that’s a prequel that’s not really about anything, and even less makes sense. Confused? You will […]
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Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever (2002. Dir. Kaos)
Back for a new year, Helen kicks things off with the lowest-rated film on Rotten Tomatoes (with an aggregated score of 0%). Surely, a film featuring Puss in Boots, Darth […]
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A Karate Christmas Miracle (2019. Dir. Julie Kimmel)
In this festive offering, Chris, Mark and Helen relive their film school days as they look at what at least one of them describes as the worst film they’ve ever […]
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Transmutators (2023. Dir. Mark A. Reyes)
In this episode, our trio join intrepid warriors from the Philippines in battle against… something? When we work it out, we’ll tell you. No Transformers were harmed during the making […]
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Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004. Dir. Raja Gosnell)
In this episode, the gang rounds off spooky season with Scooby and the gang as they call back to some of their most mystifying adventures. Jinkies…
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Cannibal: The Musical
In this episode, Helen picks out the amazing true story that launched careers of some of the foulest mouths in all of film, television and theatre. We approve.
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Highlander II
In a first for this show, we talk smack about not one but two different movies as Chris, Helen and Mark watch two very different versions of the same film, […]
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In Fabric (2018. Dir. Peter Strickland)
In this episode, watch Mark struggle to keep up as Helen finally gets to do a whole show on fashion, tries to follow a missing narrative, and pick out themes […]
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Tammy and the T-Rex (1994. Dir. Stewart Raffill)
In this episode Mark and Helen are left unsupervised for far longer than is strictly appropriate as they take a look at 1994’s Tammy and the T-Rex
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Death Race (2008. Dir. Paul W.S. Anderson)
In this episode, battle lines are drawn as Chris, Mark and Helen disagree over the repugnant deployment of homophobia, car p0rn, and the three films we could’ve had instead of […]
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Coherence (2013. Dir. James Ward Byrkit)
In this episode, our heroes discuss high-concept metaphysics, the rules of the Dogme 95 movement, and art imitating life as one of our favourite sidekicks descends into an abyss of […]
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Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
To celebrate a half-century of pulling turds from the cinematic sewer, all for your listening pleasure, our intrepid brownwater surfers went ahead and picked up something truly special…
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Llamageddon
In this episode, our intrepid explorers take on furry eggs, a killer llama from outer space and the worst house party since Noel Edmonds disgraced British TV screens.
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Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter (2001. Dir. Lee Demarbre)
In this episode, the band’s back together in time for our Easter special (ish – the timing didn’t quite work for this to be at actual Easter…) featuring a Jesus-centric […]
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Simply Irresistible
With Mark still dealing with some of the shit aspects of life, Chris and Helen spent Valentine’s Day waxing-lyrical over an aimless rom-com about magic crustaceans, because nothing says I […]
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Overlord (2018. Dir. Julius Avery)
In this episode, Mark takes a well-earned if not completely mistimed break to deal with technical difficulties, Captain America 2.0 makes an early appearance, and D-Day gets a makeover, in […]
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Christmas with Cookie
In this episode, we start Christmas on the network with a preview from the grotesque Elf of Chrismas Future, featuring the effects of global warming, aliens, and a pair of […]
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Cats (2019. Dir. Tom Hooper)
A new contender for the “Biggest pile of sh!t we’ve endured” award, we reluctantly wander into the Jellicle Ball, whatever the hell that means… And, to be clear for the […]
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Ginger Clown (2013. Dir. Balázs Hatvani)
We couldn’t decide which deserved more scorn – gingers or clowns – so for this year’s hallowe’en special, our intrepid trio smooshed them together to check out the film not […]
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Guardians (2017. Dir. Sarik Andreasyan)
In this episode, Helen and Mark battle through monsoons, the war in Ukraine and a dead old lady to cast an eye over Russia’s answer to The Avengers. While you’re […]
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The Next 365 Days
In a late change to our schedule, our heroes return to Sicilly for more trashy eurpop-laced softcrore porn, Stockholm Syndrome turned up to 11, and – Mark hopes, at least […]
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2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus
In this episode, our intrepid sewer-spelunkers return with possibly the greatest atrocity to emerge from Germany. Well, almost…
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The VelociPastor (2018. Dir. Brendan Steere)
In this episode our intrepid trio cast a watchful eye over a film as bonkers as the title suggests – The VelociPastor.
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Versus (2000. Dir. Ryûhei Kitamura)
In this episode, Helen’s evil twin unleashes a “toddler on crack” on the gang, as we look at a turn of the millennium zombie beat-em-up that needs to be seen […]
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365 Days: This Day
In last-minute change to the schedule, the gang marks 37 episodes (in a row?!) by picking up the sequel to what was, until recently, the lowest ebb of this podcast, […]
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Beaster Bunny (2014. Dir. Snygg Brothers)
In this episode, Chris, Mark and Helen drop down a literal rabbit hole in preparation for Hallowe’en’s lame little brother, the worst holiday of the year. After all, everyone knows […]
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Bat Pussy (Dir. Unknown)
Bat Pussy is an American pornographic film, believed to have been produced and possibly released in the early 1970s. Ostensibly a spoof of the 1966–1968 Batman television series, it has been cited […]
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Tomb Raider (2018. Dir. Roar Uthaug)
New year, new host, same foul-mouthed shennanigans as Helen joins Chris and Mark. We talk digital icons, make unavoidable comparisons to the video game series, and debate whether or not […]
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Santa’s Slay(2005. Dir. David Steiman
Merry Christmas, folks. In this episode Chris and Mark talk gay jokes, anti-semitism and Bill Goldberg refraining from executing strippers… It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
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The Ultimate Weapon (1998. Dir. Jon Cassar)
In this episode Chris and Mark encounter the most ridiculous thing they’ve ever seen – Hulk Hogan with hair…
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Dracula: Untold
In this episode Chris and Mark welcome back special guest Helen MacIntyre for her defence of the 2014 clusterf*ck she likes to think of as “What Gaston did in the […]
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Killer Sofa (2019. Dir. Bernie Rao)
A killer reclining chair becomes enchanted by a girl and starts committing crimes of passion. Obviously.
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Jack Frost 2 – Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
A Christmas movie? In August? Have they gone MAD? In this episode, we take on our first sequel as we join the eponymous killer snowman on a tropical island for […]
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Masters of the Universe
In this episode Chris and Mark round of He-Man (almost) month by revisiting Gary Goddard’s 1987 attempt to turn He-Man into Star Wars, Frank Langella’s amazing turn as Elton Johnator, […]
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Domino
In this episode, Chris and Mark follow Game of Thrones stars Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Carice van Houten across mainland Europe in pursuit of some horrific stereotypes, in this 2019 action […]
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In the Name of the King
In this episode, Chris and Mark are joined by friend, collaborator and serial Statham apologist Helen MacIntyre for a look back at Uwe Boll’s “In the Name of the King” […]
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Mortal Kombat
In this episode, Chris and Mark fundamentally disagree on the merits of this film, this franchise, and beat-em-ups in general.
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Suburban Commando
In this episode, Chris and Mark cap off Wrestlemania season with a look back at Hulk Hogan’s first attempt at a comedy feature, including a rare non-kayfabe appearance from “The […]
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Psycho
In this episode, Chris and Mark can’t decide if this is a dour remake, devoid of anything resembling a good film, or a bold and ballsy experiment. Either way, what […]
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Showgirls
Hey, everyone – what’s your favourite scary movie? That’s right, folks – in this episode Chris and Mark revisit the film nominated for more Razzies than any other as Elizabeth […]
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Howard the Duck
George Lucas presents the only Marvel film more maligned than Iron Man 2, starring an anthropomorphic duck, Jeffrey Jones and Lea Thompson’s underwear. For video, check out our Youtube channel
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Jack Frost
In this festive episode, we take a look at a BANANAS tale of serial killer turned snowman Jack Frost, made with one third of a soup commercial’s budget. Because that’s […]
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The Happytime Murders
In this episode, Chris and Mark hit the jackpot – a noir whodunnit with sweary muppets and the prince of puppetry. What could go wrong? Quite a lot, as it […]
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The Haunted Mansion
In this episode, Chris and Mark keep things spooky as we hit our Halloween special – a look back at a film with a crypt-full of potential but none of […]
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365 Dni / 365 Days
In this episode, Chris and Mark take a look at 2020’s surprise Netflix hit about kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome and semi-consensual blow-jobs – the Polish attempt at “50 Shades” which was […]
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Mac & Me
Happy Fourth of July, Folks! In this episode Chris and Mark take on the film which should have been called “E.T. 2 – Coke Addict”, featuring wheelchair stunts and the […]
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Killer Klownz from Outer Space
In this episode Chris and Mark venture to the Big Top as alien clowns wrap the inhabitants of a small town in candy floss and drink them through bendy-straws, Because […]
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Zack & Miri make a porno
In this episode, we lay everything bare as we discuss a central character’s lack of character, atrocious stereotypes, and the missing film within the film as our hero @thatKevinSmith gets […]
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer
In this episode Chris and Mark discuss the origins of greatness, early work from Academy Award winners @benaffleck and @hilaryswank, the subsequent TV show which first brought them together (in […]
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Suicide Squad
With Birds of Prey in cinemas now, we thought we’d go back and give the much-maligned Suicide Squad the once over.
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Elves
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! We kick off this festive season with possibly the most asinine attempt at filmmaking ever witnessed. Nazis. Elves. Grizzly Adams. It’s hard to know where […]
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Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace
With the end of the Skywalker saga just weeks away, we go right back to the “beginning” and take a look at the much-maligned Phantom Menace.
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Ernest Scared Stupid
In this episode we ring in the spooky season with the first of our hallowe’en-themed episodes, with an offering that could be truly terrifying, were it not for the eponymous […]
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Scooby-Doo
In this episode, fan-boys collide as we argue over “the most 2000s film ever”, ranging from plot points, characterisation and what should reasonably be expected from a film about a […]
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Loqueesha
A middle-aged white man pretends to be a sassy black woman in order to get a job. That’s okay, right? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7620554/
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Batman & Robin
In this episode, we go back to what is generally regarded as the WORST SUPERHERO MOVIE EVER, complete with gratuitous T&A, rubber nipples and some disturbing revelations about Chris’ teenage […]
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No Holds Barred
In this episode, we bring the fight over from Who Wins Podcast and take a look at the WWF / Hulk Hogan vehicle where anything goes. No Ring. No Ref. […]
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Spider-Man 3
In this episode, Mark is joined by the multi-talented host of Our Three Cents to take a look back at a franchise killer complete with guy-liner and emo-jazz. It’s bad, […]
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Battlefield Earth
John Travolta’s pet-project, from the people that brought you Scientology, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and some back-up footage from Tunisian Tattooine in The Phantom Menace. What could go wrong? […]
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Rubber
A homicidal car tyre, discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession. Sounds great, but is it Better […]
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Super Mario Bros.
Welcome, film fans, to the best of the worst! In this BRAND NEW SHOW, Chris and Mark – and featuring some special guests along the way – take a look […]